What The?

Oh No! What the he double hockey sticks Barry thought. As he looked at the cover of the Globe while waiting in line to pay for some groceries. There on the cover of the Globe was a photo of himself with the title "I'm Coming Out!" So Barry added that to his cart of groceries. Hello Mr. Manilow said Carol the checker. Hi Carol said Barry. Your actually going to buy that piece of garbage said Carol. Unfortunately I have no choice said Barry. I'm on the cover and my manager Marc Hulett needs to see this. That's so we can figure out what course of action to take said Barry. The bag boy put Barry's groceries in the recyclable bags and then into the cart. Barry pushed the grocery cart out to his SUV. Barry put his groceries into his trunk. He took the cart back to cart coral. When Barry got back to his SUV he opened up the Globe to find the article dealing with him. There it was in black and white Barry Manilow finally comes out of the closet. Barry read the entire article and wondered who gave the Globe the story. Whoever it was that gave the story they would be hearing from him personally. Just then his cell phone rang. Barry pressed the on app and said hello. Hello said Garry on the other end. So what are you up to he asked? Well I'm sitting in the A&P parking lot reading the Globe. Why are you reading that piece of garbage for said Garry. I made the cover of the Globe said Barry. There's a photo of me with the title "Barry Manilow Comes Out Of The Closet" on the cover. Now how did they get that piece of information said Garry. You have always been out in the open and up front about your sexual orientation from day one. Yes I know said Barry. I've been photographed with every girlfriend I've ever had.  From Linda Allen to  Julie Berkovic and to my  latest girlfriend Skylar Herzbach.  You're going to show Marc that aren't you said Garry. Yes said Barry. Marc's going to see this so we can figure out what to do. I'd also check the internet said Garry. You know this will spread like wild fire. Yeah! I know said Barry juicy gossip true or false spreads fast. Well I'll let you go said Garry so can contact Marc about this. Ok said Barry it was nice talking to you. Give everyone on your end my love. I sure will said Garry. Barry then called Marc. Marc it's Barry. I know why your calling said Marc. I've already called the Globe and told them to put a retraction in next weeks magazine. I also asked them to tell me who gave them that piece of information or else we were going to sue them he said. They said one of their reporters saw this on  one of your non fan club message boards. They said the reporter said fans were talking about you coming out of the closet on that message board. I guess they still think your lying about your sexual preference. Can you get a hold of omg Insider said Barry. I want to  do an interview with Kevin Frasier to take care of this once and for all. Sure said Marc. I'll call them to set up the interview and get back to you when I have things set up. Barry then started his SUV and drove out of the A&P parking lot. Once Barry got home he put his groceries away and took his recyclable bags back to his SUV. Barry then came into the town house and let the dogs out in the back yard. He then went on his Mac to surf the internet. He landed on this  one message board he had been to many times before.  Barry was one of the biggest lurkers over here. There it was in print fans talking about him being gay. What these fans didn't know was Barry had a user name and password for this message board. He went in to the message and replied to it. Oh yeah! Did he tell you himself that he was gay wrote Barry. He didn't tell you no such thing. I aught to know that since I'm  him said Barry No joke it's really me Barry Manilow major lurker. Yeah that's right I don't even like social media.  Little do you know. I've been lurking over here for years. And no I'm not gay and I never was. Thanks to you I made next weeks Globe magazine. I'm on the cover with a three page spread on my sexual orientation inside. They even supposedly talked to a close source who confirmed I was gay. Makes me wonder if I even know the close source wrote Barry. Well I've got to go fix dinner. Yeah I'm cooking tonight chicken breast pounded  out this with lemon, white wine sauce with capers, grilled broccoli with garlic and olive oil,  a spinach salad and white wine. I've invited my girlfriend. Yes I have a girlfriend  how about that. I've invited Skylar over for dinner. I also stopped at the bakery on the way home to pick up Skylar's birthday cake since today's her birthday. It's a raspberry lemon tort. Baking I'm not good at wrote Barry. But cooking I am. He signed his message Major lurker Barry Manilow.